Do Love and Dating go hand in hand?
The way we define love, dating, and relationships says a lot about how we approach them. I think a part of it defines us as well.
The way we define love, dating, and relationships says a lot about how we approach them. I think a part of it defines us as well. Dating…the way we meet someone and fall in love. Isn’t it weird that dating sometimes feels like a job interview? Different people, same questions..the loop goes on and on. And love...some people believe it’s a myth while others believe it to be a chemical reaction in the brain that fades away over time.
The craziest thing, isn't it? The concept of dating has always compelled me to dig deep and understand why we do things the way we do. Why should we meet people and fall in love? Why should we fall in love at all? Why should any of it exist?
I started experimenting with dating (as limited as it is) and found that most people are heartbroken and are really interested in short-term romance while others don't even know why they are dating. I sent out a questionnaire to some of my friends, family, and their friends of friends.
The answers were astonishing. People seem to have different beliefs about love and dating. Some don't believe in dating and think that love comes naturally while others disagree. Most people agreed that dating is an excellent way to know someone and surprisingly enough most agreed that love is a feeling they value. So if people do value love, why are so many of us casually dating or engaging in FWB relationships? Does it make us feel good or do we not wanna get hurt again? Is it better to shut our feelings down or to give love another try?
I used to believe that most people weren’t into love. The adoption of western trends of casually dating and having fuck buddies, somehow lead me to believe that love isn’t what people want.
Most people, however, avoid it because of the extensive heartbreak they experienced in their early years. It's weird how we want to keep it casual and yet want love all the same.
How Long Does it Take to get to Know Someone New?
The responses differed. Some people believe that it takes more than 6 dates to know someone while others believe that it’s a lifelong process. I believe it depends on several factors. Some of the things I believe are crucial to know someone is:
Honesty
Willingness to have a conversation
Communication
Making time for each other
Going out on dates
Exploring each other’s interests
Above all, I think it’s the willingness to hold a conversation with someone. If you are conversing with someone regularly, you’ll get to know a lot about them, even if you haven’t met them. The best way to know someone new is to communicate how you feel about each other, talk about your interests and whatever comes to mind. Most people make the mistake of believing that the other person may not be into answering all these questions or talking about feelings. It may be useful to assess your situation before you approach someone about their feelings. Keep in mind that some people have different personality traits and may not be comfortable sharing too much information. In that case, it is important to have patience while dealing with such a person.
A 2020 study was conducted to determine the different factors influencing marital satisfaction. It was found that a correlation coefficient exists between personality traits and marital satisfaction. Couples high in neuroticism experience lower levels of marital satisfaction while couples high in conscientiousness are more satisfied with their marital life.
A study emphasized that humans constantly attribute personality traits to others. One person may appear intellectual but not interested in sports and vice versa.
My survey, however, also showed that most people don’t believe in meeting new people from dating apps. 68% of them believe that talking a couple of days before meeting someone is a good idea.
What did some People say About Love and Dating?
Here’s what some of my responders had to say about love and dating
Love is a “Strong emotion that you can't fool yourself with”
“Two-way different things, love is beautiful doesn't happen, often used as a deceptive facade people just wanna fuck, and dating is means to fuck different people, you are sad when you expect a lot..”
“Dating is like a handbook to know someone and a phase full of excitement as it tells what possibilities are there for you. Love is the feeling that makes you calm.”
“It's building mutual respect between each other and also getting to know each other better whether they are compatible or not and also creating a space around each other where they are content and happy.”
The fact that love and dating have different meanings to different people is a fascinating thing.
Read also: Why being in a relationship isn't as important as you think
The Relationship with Yourself
How would you rate the relationship with yourself out of 10? Most people would say it's a 7. Am I correct? I read about this in a book called “Everything is fucked” by Mark Manson.
The kind of relationship you have with yourself dictates the kind of love you will have with everyone else. Despite this, it is extremely important to spend alone time that you enjoy to build a better relationship with yourself. I will speak about this another time on how you can build a better relationship with yourself.
I believe that attaining true happiness is linked to oneself. Hence it is essential to work on the relationship with yourself. Are you someone who questions themselves a lot? Are you someone who accepts things or situations just because it is easier? These are the kind of questions you need to ask yourself right now.
Why we can't follow it to the T?
Most of the responders said that they enjoy alone time. However, most responses cannot be followed to the T because as humans we tend to answer what we think is right or what the other person might want to hear. As humans, most of us do not allow ourselves to just be. The odd notion of being accepted in society or in a group plays a paramount role in our lives.
This is why it is essential to build an excellent relationship with yourself before you pursue love and dating. More often than not, people turn out to be people-pleasers because they don’t know how to function otherwise. Humans represent actions not only in terms of specific motor acts but also evaluate actions in terms of outcomes: whether they can be performed fluently or whether they are associated with increased effort, pain or errors, found a 2004 study.
You should be able to please yourself before you please anyone else. You should be happy spending time alone because you are the only one that matters. The way I see it, a relationship with someone is a cherry on top of the beautiful life you’ve already made.
Thanks for reading.
I’d love to hear from you. Reach me at metanoiation@gmail.com